Thanks for having the courage to leave an anonymous note on my fence. I saw the leaves on the gravel in front of your yard.

My heart weeps for you.

It’s my fault the three HUGE FUCKING MAPLE TREES are in my front yard. This is despite the fact that they were planted before I was born. I also apologize that it’s October and trees decided to lose most of their leaves during this last week.

You poor dear.

In Sympathy,
Shawn

P.S.: Sorry I peed on your welcome mat. I was distressed at your pain.

So, after my previous encounter this evening, it was joked about a few times, that when I went to the surface level for a break, I would be defending myself from Volcanos and Prostitutes.

No one told me I’d have to do battle with Vampires.

I got on the elevator back up to work, with a lady that had a serious case of Buffyvampiritis going on.

She went to the level where telemarketers work. I think that proves the link between Telemarketing and the Damned.

(On further thought, I didn’t see her teeth, so It’s possible she’s a Star Trek alien.)

I’ve been working graveyards. Here are two stories.

The first one, you’ll only need to picture me, driving down an empty street, at 1am. For the second story, you’ll need this following picture.

Also: Is it wrong that this Lee’s commercial with the giant lady walking down a city street like Godzilla, makes me feel funny in places?

Story: 1

I totally got propositioned by a hooker on my way to get Taco Bell.

I was driving down the street, and I see this lady walking slowly, in this Big White Billowy dress thing, so I’m trying to figure out what the hell that’s all about.

So then I get close, and she stops walking, and she like, leans forwards and opens her shirt, and is looking at me totally pointedly… like… staring me down.

It was like, a Nightgown thingy

Spokane is a low traffic city after 8.
So, I guess you have to hard sell.
Especially at 1am.

Granted, she was wearing a bra… but still… The hard gaze, and me being trained in social niceties and all, I felt I had to like, slow down and say “Oh… No thank you. Sorry.”

Story: 2

When I worked at a different radio station, there was a rack with one of these protected switches.

On my last day, I was playing with the guard…and I opened it.

It was staring me down… like a prostitiute

there…

with it’s shirt all undone…

“YES, YES I WILL FLIP YOU, GOOD TIME SALLY”

So, it’s like, 3am, and sound monitors in the studio went NUTS! It started broadcasting another radio station over the top of ours and a bunch of tones.

It turned out I had enguaged the EBS. The Station Manager called me a few minutes later.

“What’s going on there?”
“… I DON’T KNOW, IT JUST FREAKED OUT!” (Protective lie, like a 4 year old with ill gotten chocolate on his face)
“Oh, When it gets hot, the static messes with the EBS, just flip that red switch and it’ll go back to normal”
“Red Switch… Where?” (Had to sell it)