Much props to [COUNT DANTE]. The DEADLIEST MAN ALIVE.

I think he’s dead now…actually… not sure.

This page full of [Dallas Themes] is perhaps the most obsessive compulsive thing I’ve seen on the internet.

Oh, and DO listen to the 1984 version of the theme. The “Miami Vice” style drums in the background add to the arrangement.

Also, DO listen to the 1978 version, and the 1990 version back to back.

Then you should 1978, 1984, and 1990 it up right in a row. BAM BAM BAM!

You should do all of this, while imagining some sort of Verne-esque time travel montage of people’s starting really big, then going to partially shaven and punky, then real big again as the 90s waves start crashing on your shore.

Yet… During all this time-lapse time-travel…their clothes…STAY THE SAME!

Spooky…

(Also, my pants were all the way on, during this entire post. Just… FYI.)

I have a lot to get though, so I’ll run through the bullet points quickly.

1) I’ve been on call and working nights. A lot. A whole good god damned lot. For a while I just wasn’t bothering with sleep. If I did get the sleep, the pager would wake me.

2) Being on call, I didn’t get to leave town during labor day weekend. So I hung around town and went and did touristy things
a) I rode a horse for the first time ever.
b) We went to the local museum.
c) We went hiking in the Little Spokane River nature area.
d) I HAND FED A GOD DAMNED LION.

3) It deserves it’s own entry: A GIGANTIC HEAD AS BIG AS MY TORSO G-DARN LION. CHICKEN NECK GOES IN MY HAND. LION EATS MY HAND (no…not really).

4) I’m not sure why, but the last few times I’ve masturbated, I get the theme song from Dallas stuck in my head.

5) Zeb was holding a cookie to my mouth the other day at work. I made to take a bite from it, and he pulled it back. With a stern look he said to me, “I AM REMINDING YOU THAT YOU ARE A VEGAN.”

Heh. Little punk.