[Oh, the Places You’ll Go…Oh the People You’ll Meet]

I go outside to smoke. As I set out the door, there’s a lady on my right, who is answering something said to her from an unknown person on the other side of the open door to my left.

I light my cigarette and lean up against the wall.

The unknown party, turns out to be a fat man, with a bagel, a cup of coffee, a cigarette behind his ear, and another cigarette between the fingers of the hand holding the cup of coffee. Neither of these cigarettes are lit.

His hair is mussed. His gait is swaggery. Looking at him, it’s possible he’s drunk. He’s still 10 feet away, and closing.

He opens his mouth again and removes all doubt of his sobriety.

“Don’t got no bathrooms around here, I’ll just have to whip it out and piss right here.”

The lady across the way, looks at me, uncertain. I have no reassurance to give her that this man is not going to pee on the wall next to us, one of the chairs, or quite possibly attempt to pee on us.

“You got a cigarette you can give me?” he blurts at the lady. Perhaps this will keep him from peeing on her.

“No, I don’t.”

I pipe up. “I don’t have any cigarettes, but I can give you a light.”

“You can huh?”

“A light.”

“A li… Why would I… I don’t… Here.”

His coffee is now deposited in my hand. He takes a couple more gnawing runs on his bagel, and explains to me that he’s going to step around the corner, and that I should hold his coffee.

Mind you, it wasn’t in so many words. I determined this by translating his grunts and gesticulations.

He turns to go and then asks, “You’re not gonna run off are ya?”

“No.” His coffee is hot, it’s burning my finger tips through his cup.

He walks around the corner. I imagine he’s going to pee there. This is really only for our benefit, as instead of peeing in front of us, he would now be peeing on a building in front of a busy street.

The lady and I exchange glances.

“Screw that. I’m getting out of here.” I put his coffee down on the table, and beat feet.

And you may find somebody kind
To help and understand you,
someone who is just like you
And needs a gentle hand
To guide them along.
So maybe I’ll see you.
There we can forget all our troubles,
Forget all our cares.

[So go downtown.]
Things’ll be great when you’re
Down town.
Don’t wait a minute more
Down town.
Everything’s waiting for you
Down town.